


Mercy

by TeamAlphaQ



Series: Silver Linings Trilogy [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Blood, Death, Hate Sex, It's a little hard to see with all the sex, Izaya is a controlling bastard, M/M, Porn, Shizaya freeform, Shizuo is powerless to stop him, Smut, The theme is mercy I swear, Violence, Why do I do this to myself, but trust me, it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 15:25:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: "There is no collaring a force like this, you cannot control it. You can only lie back and pray the monster shows you mercy."





	Mercy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Empress_of_Trash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empress_of_Trash/gifts).



> So this one's got a story behind it!
> 
> First, The_Animu_Fangirl said that I softened these characters, made them less horrible than they were in canon and because of course I have to prove her wrong, I got the idea that I should write something really bloody and violent.
> 
> Then I read Smoke and Mirrors, the excellent story by Empress_of_Trash and her portrayal of Shizuo got my gears turning. 
> 
> Then she submitted a story to the Shizaya Themed Writing Exchange and I realized what I had to do. So I did it.
> 
> It's bloody, it's hot, and honestly, it's probably angsty.
> 
> ENJOY!

His body pulses, _seethes_  with rage. Every line of him screams  _feral. Wild. Beast._ Shirt torn, hair mussed, blood streaking his face, yet it doesn’t do the unholy anger in him justice. He's mindless, unknowing in his wrath. There is no more nuance, all the shades of grey have separated, there is only black and white.

The unconscious, broken man slips from the monster’s fingers. Everything around him is silent and yet he needs to destroy, needs to sate the horrible roaring within him that calls for blood.

His fists are already dripping in it, not a mite of it his own. All of it belonging to others.

 _Beast, beast, beast,_ his stance seems to say. _Monster, get back, stay away._

The dark of the night isn’t enough to disguise the rivulets of red that run down the street. But to him, it's up to his neck. He drowns in the evidence of his explosion, the carnage his hands have created. Alive or dead it hardly matters anymore, he has been lowered to their level regardless, nothing less than a mindless savage.

And yet he wants more. Craves the finality of his own violence like an addict craves his next fix. He can’t bring himself back down, he needs another outlet.

What's left of his original idea of an outlet lies around him, bodies stacked like bricks. A wall separating him from the world. He wants to build it higher. Till it blocks out the cruel moon which watches him in his basest misery. His true form.

Still breathing heavily, he swings his head, searching for something to hurt, something to maim. But there is only the horrible stench of blood and the silence of a night that is holding its breath, lest the monster that prowls pounce and devour.

Then, a hissing laugh from the dark, like a dreadful ovation to a murderous overture. “What a _beast_ you are, Shizu-chan,” rattles the voice from above, like the vultures come to dine on the carcasses left by the hunters. “Just a monster, so deleterious in your ire.”

Spinning, the beast, Shizuo Heiwajima, faces the creature mocking him, seeks out the Stygian hair, the hematic eyes, the Machiavellian smile. Like the devil himself, Izaya Orihara appears in his vision, wavering like a mirage in the heat of his rage.

“Izaya,” he growls, like the thunder heralding the storm. Fury builds up behind the very name, a flimsy piece of tissue paper trying to hold back a nuclear explosion. From the ledge he rests on, the wraith drops down, his dexterity transcending that of a mere human. His coat flutters behind him like unholy wings unfurling from the back of a looming bird of prey.

An angel of death, a bringer of the apocalypse.

Landing perfectly, Izaya straightens, his eyes glittering like the deceivingly beautiful and glowing gates of hell. “My my, maybe it's not only a joke, perhaps I _should_ keep you collared and chained. Just look at what you do when you’re left to your own devices after all.” Every inch of him radiates manic pleasure, so abstruse it can hardly be looked upon, much less described.

Shizuo _hates_ it, hates  _him._ The power of this conviction alone should have been capacious force to drive the Raven away.

Yet still, Izaya stands there, malefic and minacious, unswerving in his torment of the already bedeviled monster. A statue of everything Shizuo wishes he could separate from himself, all of the rage and hatred that he’s been constructed from. And as with every other time before, at the very moment where he is at his most hideous, the man appears before him as if his only purpose is to tip him over into the void.

“Leave me alone!” Shizuo roars, his voice echoing around the area while at the same time being absorbed by layer the flesh and blood covering the ground. Determined to drive the demon away from him so he can remain solitary while he suffers from the pressure of his own obscenities, Shizuo’s stance towers as he centers his gravity and prepares for battle.

But Izaya doesn’t run, he never has. Instead, he slowly steps from the shadows with an awful _tch_ ing that abrades Shizuo’s eardrums. Gracefully, like his shoes aren’t even brushing the gruesome ground, the Raven threads his way through the groaning heaps of cadavers like they aren’t even there. As ever, his eyes never split from Shizuo’s own lowering stare. Part of the beast wants to lunge forward and decimate the perceivably smaller male but the rational part of his animalistic rage knows that he would be put down quicker than lightning.

“Just _look_ at this destruction,” Izaya sibilates, almost like he is darkly pleased with what he sees around him. “All of this blood, this _carnage,_ are you even human anymore Shizu-chan? Are you anything but a mindless miscreation?” It would have almost been condemnation but the inflections are all wrong. It's nothing but a taunting call, a challenge Shizuo needs to rise to.

“Just _shut UP!”_ Shizuo vociferates, the tendons in his neck leaping as if in agreement. “STOP TALKING!” But Izaya draws yet nearer, deriding Shizuo’s very existence simply by breathing. It _burns_ like hellfire, it rubs salt in even the deepest wounds and where it can’t find blood, it leaves blistering scars.

“You claim to detest it,” Izaya trills, depraved laughter bubbling up under his words. “You shun everything that is iniquitous and yet _look at you!”_ Close enough to reach out and touch, Izaya tilts his head up and sneers, simpers at Shizuo’s wrathful mien. The twist of his expression relaxes and for the barest moment, he looks as guileless as a child. Blinking softly, he coos, “In the end, you are the most wretched of us all.”

The strings in Shizuo’s mind snap.

Like lightning he strikes, his fist flying out, aimed for Izaya’s head, fast enough to kill. A cackle, a flash of crimson and a knife blocks Shizuo’s attack. Shizuo registers the knife sinking into his skin, even as Izaya flips backward over the backs of the fallen, his vile grin slipping under Shizuo’s armor.

Without hesitation Shizuo lets loose a bellow and gives chase, unable to hold back the monster within him. Izaya bends and flows, impossible to hit, perfect in his defense. Every strike is met with another laugh and more blood, but only ever Shizuo’s. But that only draws the beast out further, crazed in its hunt.

Yet who is the hunter and who is the hunted?

“Come on Shizu-chan, are you even trying?” Izaya caterwauls, dancing around Shizuo, the bloody ground hardly slowing him at all. Like twin flashes of merciless atrocity, Izaya’s knives move like extensions of his own body. Fanatically, the Raven attacks, never relenting. “Fight me you beast, _hurt me.”_

And he tries, besets Izaya with blows that only one so demonic as him can avoid. All of the rage inside his system, he expends it here, in this attempt to murder this stain on his existence like he has so many times before. Yet Izaya simply ducks and twists out of his way, uses even Shizuo’s own momentum against him. Draws blood like it's an offering to a god. It's so fluid, yet so detestable, Izaya’s entire form is like oil and water.

Sliding and conniving yet so beautiful it hurts.

“Don’t you just _loathe_ me? Don’t you just wish you could bash my skull against the pavement, thrust your fist through my chest?” taunts the demon, only growing more excited by Shizuo’s redoubled efforts to maim and _kill_ him. “You should _act_ like it Shizu-chan, hit me!” So twisted in its echoing message but at the same time, everything Izaya has ever been.

“SHUT UP!” Shizuo screams, seizing a fallen trashcan from the ground. The blood coating it makes it slippery yet sticky in his hands. As the cloying scent pervades his nostrils, Shizuo holds it above him, taking aim. It flies true, he can see its impact with Izaya’s shoulder, watch as it knocks the man out of the air.

Wheeling through the sky, Izaya’s body thumps against the ground hard, yet all it provokes is a delighted laugh. True to the title of demonic, the Raven rises off the ground, hardly hampered at all by the injury he has to have sustained from such a hit. “Finally,” he croons, eyes enlivening as if being hit only invigorates him. “And here I thought I was the only one taking this seriously.”

Then he blurs and Shizuo feels a blade bury itself in his upper arm. Pain registers, but it's so dull, Shizuo hardly even bats an eye. All he does is spin to face the maniacally laughing Izaya. “Look at you, too stupid to even _begin_ to defeat me. I told you to _hurt_ me Shizu-chan, that hardly tickled. Don’t play with me beast, FIGHT!”

Lunging for Izaya’s throat, Shizuo finds cuts appearing across his torso as the man slices at him, dicing him like a vegetable. Between them, there is hardly room for comparison. It's like watching a monster do battle against a god. Except this time, the monster is tireless, unable to feel the pain of the injuries the god inflicts. He just keeps fighting, throwing himself back at Izaya’s blades like he's self-destructive.

“You can destroy dozens but you can’t even scratch me?” Izaya demands, fire and smoke drowning Shizuo like blood rising to fill his mouth and nose. “Who would believe you worthy of the praise they give you when you’re powerless against me? Who do you even think you are?”

“I’m going to kill you!” Shizuo bellers, seething and boiling as he chases the fleet-footed Flea. Crimson falls into his eyes as blood-soaked hair flies across his face. It only makes it darker, takes the gore and brings it into focus. “I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU!”

Except… Except how many times has he said that before. How many promises of death has he dealt Izaya only to fail? At every turn, Shizuo finds himself caged in by Izaya, even as the man halts in the alley he’s lead them both into, even as he turns and slowly walks backwards, hands out as if inviting further pain.

Surging forward, Shizuo slams Izaya against the wall of the building to the left, clenching his wrists in one hand before curling his fingers around the pale throat that is offered to him like a calf offered on the altar. “Pathetic,” Izaya spits, still too dementedly excited for this situation. Still high off the thrill. “Disgusting, two-faced, monstrous. You _beast,_ you deplorable and grotesque excuse for a human. Come on, show me that anger! Show it to me!”

And all Shizuo can do is cage Izaya’s body against the wall before devouring the Raven’s mouth, just like he's done every time before. Because in the end, that’s all they ever seem to be able to do. He can’t kill Izaya, he can only bend to the man’s will. This is what the monster inside him truly craves and Izaya knows it, knows it better than even Shizuo himself.

Which is why Izaya melts against him, draws him in like quicksand. The kiss that is hardly a kiss at all tastes like blood and hatred and disastrous desire. Teeth clash and the air around them heats as Shizuo lets go of Izaya’s wrists, choosing instead to grab Izaya’s hips in a bruising way. All he can hear is the pounding in his ears and all he can smell is the intoxicating scent of Izaya that weaves so well with blood and human misery.

Hands winding tightly in Shizuo’s hair, Izaya pulls hard enough that Shizuo is forced backward. “Just so despicable,” Izaya hisses seductively, dragging Shizuo back in like he isn’t the one pinned to a brick wall. Like he's the one in charge. “Look what you’ve become,” he groans against the blond’s lips, red eyes pulsing with lust and all of those terrible things Shizuo wants to forget. “Nothing but a monster.”

And just like he wants, the words spur Shizuo on, make his actions more ravenous, more frenzied as he grabs and gropes and rakes fingers over Izaya. Shizuo wants to rip the horrible detestable evil out of the Raven but he can’t, it's in too deep, intrinsically part of the man underneath him.

So instead he just punishes Izaya for being what he is, just as Izaya torments Shizuo for being the monster he is. With teeth that sink into Izaya’s neck, Shizuo grips at Izaya’s thighs and pulls them together, succeeding in dragging out a groan from bruised lips. It would have been satisfying but in the end, he's letting Izaya win so it all just tastes bitter. So bitter and addicting and _horrible_ in every single way.

Pulling at Shizuo’s clothing with that single-minded purpose the blond hates and loves, Izaya’s mouth brushes Shizuo’s ear. “Come on Shizu-chan, defile me. Sully me with your bloody hatred.” It's so twisted and filthy and the beast inside of Shizuo reacts, grinding against Izaya with a growl. Nothing short of terrible.

“Fucking _shut your mouth,”_ Shizuo demands, eyes dilating at the sight before him. Ever so tantalizing yet so dangerous, like Izaya is only there to hurt him. But he _can’t_ stop, Izaya just draws him back in like some black hole of the most powerful evil in the world. “I don’t want to hear that from you!” Digging fingers into Izaya’s skin, Shizuo wishes that, with all his inhuman strength, he can free himself from the monster in his blood.

But he can’t, and Izaya knows it as he frees his mouth from Shizuo’s and drags the man towards a door whose paint cracks and peels. He's laughing breathlessly, like this is just another game, like this isn’t a demonstration of everything that Shizuo despises but can’t help but need. The moment they are through the door, Izaya shoves him down the short staircase, making Shizuo stumble but hardly distracting him.

The room is dark, disgusting and dingy, a single, tiny bed and scattered furniture making up the majority of the decor. Yet in its emptiness, it's ready to be filled by Shizuo’s presence, every inch remains open to be coated by his rage, his lust, the beast inside that can never be tamed.

The moment Izaya finishes locking the door, Shizuo is shoving him against the wall again, shaking the dust in the room loose. If he’d been a normal human, Izaya would have been crushed but as it is he surges upwards, snapping his hips against Shizuo’s needily and laughing sadistic utterances against heated flesh. It's horrifying how much Izaya loves Shizuo’s vengeful power, like carrion birds tearing at the dead.

“What was it this time,” Izaya hisses, pulling at Shizuo’s blood-soaked clothing, rolling his hardening erection against Shizuo’s in a mad dance that hardly makes sense. “What did they do to incur your ire? Who tempted divine justice this time Shizu-chan? Was what you did fair or did you simply lay waste to all before you?”

 _SHUT YOUR MOUTH!_ But all Shizuo can do is smother the hateful words with his mouth, as he drags at Izaya’s coat, flinging the thing across the room to god knows where. He wants to leave his mark on more of that ivory skin, the only way to prove that he isn’t powerless to Izaya’s depraved will.

But he is, _he is._

“I'll fucking kill you,” he pants as Izaya pops the buttons of his shirt, dragging the bloody and tattered thing off of him. He can’t figure out how to get Izaya out of his shirt so he just tears it, ripping it apart like it's nothing but paper. Izaya’s teeth scrape his ear and Shizuo feels the anger rise up once again, demanding that he do more than just this. He wants to defile every piece of Izaya as recompense for what the Raven keeps doing to his mind.

This twisted dance that keeps getting closer. Too personal, too deeply ingrained into Shizuo’s heart, head and body.

Seizing Izaya by the waist, Shizuo all but throws him onto the small bed. For something so old, hardly a bit of dust blows up, almost like it isn’t quite as ancient as it first appeared to be. It's sickening because it would be so like Izaya to have this all planned out, down to the very alley they’d end up in, but all that does is wind the monster up more. Even if he's caged, even if he's being played with, he’ll make damn sure that he leaves his mark on the one who has turned his life into the hell he's stuck in.

Covering Izaya, Shizuo pins him to the mattress roughly, hands leaving bruises behind. It's aberrant, how much Izaya seems to revel in it. Yet Shizuo only redoubles his efforts, leaving bite marks in Izaya’s ivory flesh, keeping him from moving at all as he rolls one of Izaya’s hard nipples between his teeth till Izaya is shouting with pleasure and straining against Shizuo’s hold.

“Holding back like this,  _Shizu-chan,”_ Izaya pants, his eyes rolling in pleasure. “We all know you want to crush me. _Do it!”_ he demands.

And he does, he wants to let all this horrible anger out and he wants to pour it over the writhing Raven beneath him because he _deserves_ it. Shizuo knows only too well just how debauched this whole scenario is but he can’t make himself care. He just gives into Izaya by grinding their erections against each other, sending sparks shooting through both of them.

Reaching between them, Izaya grabs at Shizuo’s dick and smirked messily when the blond groans. He doesn’t want that though, he wants to knock Izaya down off of that throne he watches the world from for once in his life. Yet he knows he can’t so he just lets Izaya palm him, unzip his bloody slacks and work them off of him while he switches to sucking at Izaya’s other nipple punishingly. Anything to make Izaya scream.

Kicking off the rumpled remains of his pants, Shizuo sits back and does as he _knows_ Izaya wants by dragging the Raven’s head forward. Of course, it doesn’t matter because the beast inside wants it just as much if not more. Demands it to sate the gnawing hole inside. Catching Izaya’s lips in another warped and perverted kiss, Shizuo groans as Izaya pushes the blond’s boxers out of the way and strokes him in the most magnificent way imaginable.

He hates how much he wants it. He _hates_ Izaya for knowing exactly which buttons to press to put him in this state.

“Don’t you want me?” Izaya rasps, tongue dripping in lies as he licked every groan and hateful word off of Shizuo’s lips. All of it is like some tainted ambrosia that feeds the darkness inside Shizuo while at the same time making him shine all the brighter in contrast to Izaya’s true evil. “Come on Shizu-chan, ruin me, make me yours. Show me just how hideous your soul really is.”

Then he ducks down and Shizuo can’t help but buck his hips upwards as Izaya’s lips wrap around the head of Shizuo’s erection. In every way, it looks like he's in control but it's all Izaya, everything is just another string the Raven can pull, no matter what his position is. Shizuo feels helpless, even as he growls recklessly and thrusts into the wet heat of Izaya’s mouth.

Swallowing around him, Izaya smirks, even as he uses his free hands to work his jeans and boxers off. The air thickens as Shizuo feels his throat constrict with pure, monstrous desire. Izaya looks so tantalizing like this, spread out like an obscene feast, and fuck if Izaya doesn’t know exactly what he's doing to Shizuo.

Bobbing his head as much as Shizuo’s grip will allow, Izaya laves his tongue over the thick vein that runs along the side of the blond’s dick before deepthroating him again, doing all of the things that drag Shizuo to the edge. It's infuriating because Shizuo _wants_ it and yet he wants to see Izaya not in control for once. Just once.

But that's impossible so instead, Shizuo just pushes Izaya off of him and forces him to his hands and knees on the bed, ass up, head pressed into the sheets. The Flea's still laughing, a horrible, grating sound, one that just makes his rage worse yet narrows it down to this moment, gathers it all and concentrates it into a single beam. One that Izaya just grabs ahold of like it's that simple.

“Fuck me,” Izaya demands, voice tight and tone heady. “Don’t hold back, I want you to _hurt_ me.” And he means it, doesn’t he? With his hands clenched in the sheets and his own erection weeping even without being touched. It doesn’t matter how hateful it is, Izaya is still getting everything out of this twisted relationship that he wants while Shizuo is left to chase after him, even though it hurts. Even though it leaves him frothing at the mouth and bloody with the remains of those who dare to get in his way.

So he doesn’t hesitate as he spits onto his fingers and roughly pushes two into Izaya’s tight hole, uncaring if he hurts the man because all he ever seems to feel is helplessness or torment. Izaya doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t cry out in pain, he just moans loudly and rocks back on Shizuo’s hand like this isn’t built on rage and darkness. It doesn’t matter, he just keeps stretching Izaya, leaving bites littering the man’s back as he does so.

Dark purple against ivory has never looked so damning.

Adding another finger, Shizuo leans down and pants, “Is this what you fucking want? Do you want this?” Izaya moans loudly, loving it, loving the way he brushes against the man’s prostate hard, provoking heated shudders.

“Yes, I want all of you Shizu-chan,” Izaya murmurs, the words sounding too soft for the situation, too sincere to come from that mouth of lies. Yet Shizuo drags Izaya’s head up so he can devour his lips again, eat all of those horrible half-truths before Izaya can let them go. “Fuck me Shizu-chan,” Izaya repeats on a moan. “Let the monster win.”

 _It beat me the first time my lips met yours._ Pulling his fingers out of Izaya’s ass, Shizuo sits up and shoves Izaya’s legs apart so he can kneel between them. Without warning, he lines up with Izaya and pushes in.

And though the bits of himself at the corners of his conscious want to be gentle, he just draws back and slams into Izaya with all the rage he can’t seem to get rid of. Shamelessly, Izaya arches his back and screams out a moan. If he had even a thread holding him back, at that moment it snaps.

With reckless abandon, Shizuo pounds into Izaya, setting a punishing pace that has Izaya groaning out his name incoherently. There isn’t any room for careful, there isn’t any space for kind or gentle, all that Shizuo has is the desire to make Izaya pay for all of the misery he's caused. All he wants is to seek an escape from the terrible rage that fuels him.

And that's what drives him into Izaya, the pleasure racing through his veins, replacing the pounding hatred of the world and all it stands for. This is why he keeps coming back, even though he knows Izaya's pulling his strings, even though he knows it's wrong. He needs it and fuck if he doesn’t want it.

Izaya tries to lift his head and Shizuo slams it back to the bed, growling loudly. There on his face is that fucking grin, the one that he hates so much and yet heats his blood past the boiling point. Gripping Izaya’s hip with his free hand, Shizuo speeds up his thrusts, watched as Izaya writhes under him, the image of the devil that the blond knows he is.

Chasing his end, Shizuo feels Izaya’s walls spasm around him as Izaya comes, a litany of erotic words tumbling from his mouth as he does so. A second later Shizuo follows, sinking his teeth into Izaya’s back as he does so, right between his shoulder blades. As he empties his load into the Raven, he can feel Izaya shudder, gasping breath catching on one last moan that reverberates through Shizuo like the antidote to the fire that has been driving him.

As the beast vacates him, Shizuo pulls out of Izaya and collapses next to him, next to the reason that this whole problem keeps getting worse. Yet he feels calm, and in that calm, the horrible guilt rises up. “Fuck,” he mutters softly, raising a hand to his sweat-soaked brow.  _What the hell am I becoming?_

And then Izaya is there, smoothing a hand over Shizuo’s rumbled hair, running his fingers through it soothingly. “What a perfect beast you are,” he murmurs adoringly, voice hoarse from the screaming he had done not a moment before. “So dangerous, so powerful in your anger. Even, dare I say it, glorious.”

But it rings hollow and it hurts because when Shizuo opens his eyes, he sees the blood smeared on Izaya’s cheeks and he doesn’t know if it’s his own or if it belongs to the bodies that he’s left lying outside. Rubbing his thumb over Shizuo’s jaw, Izaya lowers himself down and kisses his lips, this time gentle, so kind after the pain and anger they’d shared before. “You’re my monster Shizuo, you’re mine.”

But Shizuo can’t help but push Izaya away as the self-loathing chokes him. It hurts, his throat seizes up as the smell of blood invades him. This time though it doesn’t make him feel high, it just begets a tumultuous rolling in his stomach. “I killed them, didn't I?” he mutters, voice breaking. “I killed them, I’m a monster.”

“And I love you for it,” Izaya whispers, crawling on top of Shizuo and staring down at him through thick lashes and dark, crimson eyes. “I love your monstrous side, never change Shizu-chan, never let yourself be tamed. You will always be my beast, I won’t let you mellow out. You will always be fearsome, you will always be dreaded. I will make sure of it.”

As though his words are comforting, Izaya lowers himself again and presses his lips against Shizuo’s open mouth. There isn’t an ounce of strength left in Shizuo to resist, he just murmurs softly as Izaya’s tongue dips into his mouth as if reminding the blond just _who_ he belongs to. The worst part is that it's true, it's all true.

So Shizuo just lets his eyes drift close as Izaya curls up atop him, comfortable in the state they are in. The silence just lets Shizuo’s mind spiral. _Love,_ did Izaya say? What is there of him to love? But then, perhaps it doesn’t matter because, for all his manipulative nature and warped personality, Shizuo loves Izaya. Even if it is a fucked up sort of affection, it's there.

It's the reason he's still here. In the end, it doesn’t matter that Izaya is slowly driving him to become even more of a monster than he already is. As long as he can lie here with Izaya’s heartbeat thudding against his, it will be okay. Maybe not okay, but at least better than it will be alone.

At some point, Shizuo feels Izaya roll off of him. He isn’t sure if Izaya thinks he's asleep or simply doesn’t care, but the man gets up off the bed and carefully walks across the room. Even after Shizuo’s rough treatment, Izaya seems as good as ever. Regardless of the dark, the bruises and bite marks on Izaya’s skin stand out like stark reminders of the monster Shizuo really is inside.

Finding his coat in the corner and dusting it off, Izaya carefully puts it on before searching the pockets. Rolling over so he can see the man better, Shizuo is silent as he watches the Raven pull out a black cell phone and turn it on. It illuminates his face, highlights the swell of his lips and the blood still smeared on his face. Though he feels nauseated just thinking about it, Shizuo can’t tear his eyes away from the demon in human skin that settles on top of the table before lifting the phone to his ear.

“Ah Shiki-san, I do believe I have a mess I need cleaned up for me. Send in a rather large crew, the monster left quite the mess behind.” Shizuo hides his face in the clean pillows that he knows Izaya must have put here just for this purpose and buries the self-destructive thoughts in the back of his mind where he can’t find them. “Don’t worry, none of your men will be harmed, I’ve got him sedated for now. Just don’t go knocking down any doors and you should be fine.”

Contemning the asphyxiating blackness of the feather pillow, Shizuo rolls back over and stares at the ceiling, wishing he could just fall into the peace of sleep rather than turn over and over in his mind all the atrocities he’s committed. There are too many to even count, they just press him down, leave no room in his lungs for air. He's drowning in the guilt of his past.

“Yes, in fact, it _was_ that troublesome gang I mentioned to you. Funny how he cleans up the city so neatly.” Izaya speaks of him so adoringly, it's confusing. Shizuo doesn't know why Izaya puts so much stock in his power and rage when it's the very part of the blond that he hates most about himself. “Don’t be stupid Shiki-san, Shizu-chan would never work for you.”

He hardly cares to listen to this conversation at all, but when he turns his head, Izaya’s features are soft, despite the hard and snide edge to his words. Watching him with a blank and lost expression, Shizuo wonders if perhaps Izaya really is a god after all. Then again, perhaps he is just the devil in disguise.

And Shizuo seems destined to forever be his beast.

“Me, tamed him? You misunderstand this situation entirely. I can not _tame_ Shizu-chan. He is justice. He is impartial to all. Everyone must fear him because once he has been bought, there will be those who can get away from him.” Izaya’s eyes close as he speaks, almost reverent, almost amatory. “There is no collaring a force like this, you cannot control it. You can only lie back and pray the monster shows you mercy.”

_Mercy, what does that even mean?_

“Thank you Shiki-san, I hope to talk to you again soon.”

As Izaya puts down the phone, Shizuo speaks, his voice scratchy and stertorous. “Mercy, what is that?” He knows the definition, but he can’t put into words how to show it. How can he, when all he’s ever done is break? “I don’t understand…”

“It is something you must never show,” Izaya answers, crawling back into the bed, curling up beside Shizuo calmly. “You must deal with each of those you meet the same, otherwise, how can you be blind to the world? Everyone must fear you, you are justice incarnate.”

“What about you?” Shizuo murmurs, hardly twitching as Izaya pulls one of his arms around his own slight shoulders.

“To me especially you must never be merciful,” Izaya soothes, his red eyes glowing in the darkness. “You must always treat me just as you treat everyone else Shizu-chan, it’s nothing less than what I deserve.”

And at that, Izaya closes his eyes and tips off the edge into dormancy. But Shizuo lies there a while longer, thinking. _Because in the end, the one I really never show mercy to is myself._

Almost like an afterthought, Shizuo drifts into a restless version of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So... That happened.
> 
> Hehehe, oh boy, I am so going to hell for this one.


End file.
